The Final Countdown

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5 days out…does anyone know how to make time go faster?

I’m so ready to have this done, honestly. I am so anxious to start my new life. All of my blended soups are pre-made and in the freezer for Stage 2 diet, I’ve been following my pre-op diet pretty strictly (while I indulged a bit on Sunday, I indulged in things I’m allowed to have–grilled chicken, veggies, light yogurt, and fruit), I’ve been drinking my water…I’m ready to get the show on the road!

The next few days are going to be spent cleaning the apartment, since my mom is coming down a few days post-surgery just in case I need help, and I don’t want to greet her with a messy apartment. Then a few weeks after surgery, we’ll be having a house guest, so hopefully the apartment will stay clean long enough for her visit. I’m trying to keep myself busy because the anticipation is driving me crazy.

I’m going to be glad to have a bit off work. I just started this new job, so I’ve been trying to take as little time off as possible…between trying to show that I’m committed to the company and the fact that I needed to save days for my surgery, I’m burning out a bit. While post-surgery down-time isn’t the rest I had in mind, it’s a break from the action, which I’m grateful for. I plan on doing three major things while I heal: sleep, play video games, and read. If I’m being completely honest, I’ll probably do more sleeping than anything else.

This weekend will be spent celebrating with my family in Connecticut (where I grew up). It’ll be so good to see them and spend time with the people who make me laugh more than anyone else in the world. I’m just sad that I won’t get to see my father before my surgery–after my parents divorced in May, he moved down to Florida and I haven’t seen him since. We talk on the phone frequently, but it’s hard knowing that I can’t hug him before I go in.

Until I started writing this post, I didn’t realize how much I miss my father. Talking on the phone is nice, but it’s hard not being able to hug him and have a real, honest-to-goodness, face-to-face conversation. I must admit, I had to take a break while writing this post so I could send him a “hi, I love you, I miss you” email. Even now I’m getting teary-eyed thinking about how I won’t get to say goodbye if something should happen…but I can’t think like that. 

Anthony  is very nervous that something is going to go wrong–he hates hospitals (although luckily, the hospital I’m going to is really nice and the least hospitaly-hospital I’ve even been to, and the food is amazing), and the idea of me undergoing major surgery scares the crap out of him (understandably). He’s always said that he supports ME but not the idea of me undergoing major surgery…I wish there were more I could do to make him feel better. Meeting with my doctor didn’t help things either; he said it made him MORE nervous about the whole thing because even though the numbers the doctor gave him are low, all he can focus on are this risks of complication. It’s like when Dr. Chau said there’s a 1% chance of blood clots, all Anthony heard was “There’s a chance of blood clots.” It’s super frustrating.

I’m just a ball of nerves and emotion right now…I don’t really know what I’m feeling.

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One thought on “The Final Countdown

  1. beautygirlsmom

    And this is what it is. It’s excitement for what lies ahead, but fear and anxiety about the procedure itself. You just have to put your faith in the doctors and the hospital that you’ve chosen. You didn’t just pull them out of a phone book or throw darts until you hit one – you did some research. Believe in yourself, that you have done everything you can to make sure you come out of this safely, happier, and healthier in the long run. I’ll be thinking about you every minute!

    Like

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