Super Duper Important Post

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Hi everyone!! This is probably going to be one of the most important posts I’m ever going to make. If you don’t read any other post I ever make, please read this one.

After many years of contemplation and a few months dedicated to serious research (much of which was behind the scenes, so this is probably a surprise to most), I have decided that I want to have a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy.

What does that mean?

Basically, if all goes as planned, I’m gonna let a man with a medical degree and a sharp knife cut out about 70% of my stomach sometime in June.

Please don’t freak out here. This is not an experimental surgery; it has been proven to work and has been performed with success on many thousands of people. The reason the surgery works is twofold: it limits the size of your stomach, so you can’t eat as much, and it also reduces the number of cells in your body that produce grellin, the hormone that makes you feel hungry. So, not only can you not eat as much as you used to, you don’t WANT to eat as much as you used to because you aren’t hungry. Additionally, many patients report not wanting to eat the same foods anymore; if I can only physically eat 3 oz of food at a meal, I’d rather eat 3 oz of protein (that’ll make me feel good) instead of 3 oz of cake (which will make me feel like crap).

Now, this doesn’t address the issue of food addiction. That is something I will need to work on with a doctor and some self-help books.

This is also not a miracle cure. This will not make me lose weight and keep it off. This is a tool that will help me to do those things. I  understand the fact that I will need to go to the gym 4-6 times a week and push myself to work hard. I understand that I won’t be able to necessarily enjoy the same foods I do currently. I understand and accept those things, because you know what? I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I’m sick and tired of failing every time I try to lose weight.

I want to be able to run the Disney marathons. I want to be able to climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower one day without hurting myself. I want to be able to have children and run around with them (maybe). I want to grow old with my beloved husband and not leave him a widower because I died from complications due to my weight.

Please remember, while this is a drastic step, I feel like it’s one that will make every difference in my life. The risks this surgery carries are fewer than the risks I face by staying obese. And frankly, I’ll still probably be considered “obese” by many people’s standards. I’m not aiming to be a size 6, or a size 8, or a size 10. If I can get back to the size I was in middle and high school, I’ll be friggin’ ecstatic. My goal weight at this point in time is somewhere between 140 and 160 pounds. I’m not sure how realistic and attainable that is at this point, but we’ll see.

I’m not asking you to change my mind; quite the opposite, I want everyone to accept this and support me. I know that it may be hard for some people (including a few people who are very close to me), and I understand. I want this post to be a place for open discussion: ask me your questions and I will do the best I can to answer them (or point you in the direction of someone who can).

Bear in mind, there are still 5 months between now and anticipated surgery. There is still time for me to change my mind–I don’t think I will, but if I do, I won’t go through with it. If I wake up two days before the surgery and decide that this is going to be the worst decision I ever make, I won’t do it. I honestly don’t think that’s going to happen, but I try to never say never.

I love all of you and I hope you can support me on this journey, which is going to be the most difficult of my life. This is going to probably suck at some point, and I’m probably going to complain, but it will, undoubtedly, be one of the best decisions I will ever make for myself and for my family.

I will, of course, remain short, fat, and sassy, I’ll just be a little less fat.

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Big People, Little World

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I’m fat. Fatter than most, if I’m completely honest. I don’t expect people to bend over backwards to make accommodations for my weight—it’s not their fault I’m a big girl, it’s mine. And frankly, it’s not even completely mine—thanks to genetics, I’ve been dealt a crappy hand in this game that we call life. Still, I’ll admit that I eat poorly most of the time. I’ll admit that I eat too much—I eat when I’m happy, when I’m stressed, when I’m sad, and when I’m bored. The old adage, “You have no one to blame but yourself” certainly applies to me.

Still, I live in a world that wasn’t made for me. And that sucks.  And I’m not the only one.

May of my readers have asked me to write a post about how, for those of us who are short, fat, and sassy, everyday activities are a challenge. One reader commented that she couldn’t fit in a school desk. Another said she wishes there were more places and things that fat girls can enjoy, such as XL lingerie and rides with big seats. I agree!!

I took a trip to Six Flags with some friends of mine over the summer. Now, bear in mind, none of us are small people; we’re all fabulous and varying degrees of fluffy. There were rides I couldn’t fit on now that I could fit on 10 years ago. For me, the problem was in the size of my butt and thighs. For my friend Jacquie, the problem was her chest. Jacquie is a DD-DDD (I’m not sure exactly which), so many of the shoulder harnesses wouldn’t close over her boobs.

I understand that a lot of rides are sized the way they are for safety reasons, which is completely understandable, but a few amusement parks I’ve been to have special seats for those guests who are of the larger persuasion. I’d like to see that extended to all amusement parks and all rides where it is possible. I think that, with the growing number of obese people in the world, it would be nice if we could enjoy things like a day out at an amusement park without being reminded of our size—after all, fun doesn’t care what size you are. If Universal Studios could make a special car for those who are bigger, why can’t Six Flags?

This extends to other, more important aspects of life too—movie theatre chairs, compact cars, school desks, office chairs…these are all things I (and several of my readers) have had issues with. I don’t understand the one-size-fits-all mentality out world has. If there’s such a thing as plus-sized fashion, why haven’t chair and car manufacturers jumped on the bandwagon?

Look, I don’t expect the entire world to change just for me, but obesity is an epidemic that cannot be ignored. While there are things that I can do to change my size (and I’m working on it), there are many who cannot, sure to financial, emotional, time, and medical constraints. Luckily, many companies are starting to realize that the “fat epidemic” isn’t just going away. I’ve seen some lovely plus sized lingerie stores (shout out to Curvy Girl Lingerie, a boutique that specializes in lingerie for bigger, curvier women), and stores like Lane Bryant and Catherine’s are realizing that all big girls do NOT belong in Mumus and sparkles.

One day, the world will change. Either people will get skinnier, or the world will become bigger. All I ask is that we meet some sort of middle ground here, now, so that I can enjoy the world to its fullest (pun intended, I suppose).